My Friend Harry page 4

Steer clear of Harry when he has budget matters on his mind, especially when he’s at odds with the Financial Directors.

For example, it just didn’t matter to them when most of Seaview’s compartments had to be drained of stagnant seawater we’d been forced to flood them with just to kill that damn mutant plankton that threatened to break us apart.

Some systems could be salvaged, but it was going to take more than a month to dry out and be rewired. Which is why Harry was pacing about like a caged lion.  Some of his pet projects, not to mention a few government contracts, would have to wait until the accountants dotted every i and itemized everything from burnt circuits to waterlogged bread flour before any work could be done to get her back up and shipshape.

So he growled like a bear and snorted like a warthog at everyone, including Angie. Then  one fine day all hell broke loose. She started to cry and immediately he told her to take the rest of the day off by way of apology. No way he wanted to ruffle her feathers! Then he drafted me to finish the spreadsheet she was working on for the Directors. Due at 5 pm he said.

Of course, it didn’t help that I hadn’t a clue on how the damn software worked, or that I couldn’t type without using one  finger at a time.  I got the thing done, however, and was proud of it, all those columns so neat and tidy with everything lined up with how much for screws, motherboards, wiring, paint, totals, etc.

Harry took one look at it, shook his head, sighed theatrically, and told me not to quit my day job. Seems my columns were askew slightly, throwing off all the balances. Then he said the ‘heck with it’, slapped me on the back, and took me out to dinner. 

I didn’t care that it was McDonalds,  I’ve never met a French fry I didn’t like.

As for the Directors, well, when he explained Angie was overworked and he’d chomped a bit, they were more than accommodating and said to go ahead and make repairs and they’d figure out the money after.

A woman’s tears? Priceless.

Sometimes Harry can surprise you. When a downed UFO sent a small capsule over, he took the plunge, so to speak, to see what they were up to, much to Admiral Tobin’s surprise and outrage  They don’t call him ‘trigger happy Tobin’ for nothing. And I was a bit disappointed that there wasn’t room for me.

When Harry returned, to Tobin’s utter surprise,  he said the spaceship was here by accident, and needed nuclear fuel to get out of our hair, and he’d offered the alien some of our Strontium pellets.

Of course, Tobin would hear none of it, and ordered me to place Nelson under arrest, which wasn’t all that easy as I had to make sure both he and Tobin were far enough in Nelson’s cabin for me to lock them in and take the pellets over to the alien myself.

What was surprising was that the alien looked just like me! As it had looked like Nelson to him! Anyway, by the time I got back, the crewman I’d told to release the admirals had already done so.

Harry was pretty philosophical after the alien headed up into the sky and outer space again, and Tobin was muttering about how he hoped they’d remember that they were treated as friends. To which Harry responded, ‘I wonder if we will.’ Pretty heady stuff.